Here i go again, Nothing new, My thoughts always on repeat.
I've always struggled with my self image, Never happy with my reflection in the Mirror.
I believe in depression although I've never dealt with the suicidal kind.
I hope i never reach that level of Darkness. But the one time i did manage to control my weight and eating problem it was only cause i didn't care enough to live. You see my way out is always with sleep. My whole life that was my escape. Take some pills, take a nap. wake up and repeat.
I was young then, i can't do that anymore.
i don't wanna be that person anymore.
These days I'm fighting with my image. I'm not happy, I'm just over eating. When is enough enough? when the Doc tells me i have diabetes?
Why can't i just put the fork down and take a walk. Why is my way of dealing with feelings, eating.
Self hate is real, and if you can't be happy with your self how can you truly be happy in the world?
i just want to be happy with myself and my body. I wanna feel pretty, i want to be confident.
I feel like I'm trapped in a fat girls body. i don't feel like myself.
Everytime i eat i feel Claustrophobic, like im in a room with out windows and every bite is another piece of furniture. and after I'm full i just wanna scream and cry. Why am i this person? how do i make it stop???!
L