I wish I've never said anything to you. One little thing I say can turn into turmoil. 2 days. That's all I can seem to give. You like to sit in your mess. Your preference is to change on your own. I am not proficient enough to help you out. Now its tit for tat. Even though I didnt look at my actions as a get at. But who cares how I feel when there is already a mindset there. I will play along. If that's what it takes for you to put some ice in that cup. Chill. So you can learn me. No interruptions. No,not about you this time. No I dont want to talk about your feelings this time. No I dont want you to leave out this time. Yes I fear you leaving and going back to her. Yes I worry about your happiness. Yes I feel like at any given moment you will realize its too hard and you're not happy here. Yeah I see the changes. I see you try. I see you might love me. My trust wont allow me further. Too many scars. Maybe I'm too damaged. Maybe I know too much. Maybe I'm too tough to be with. When all I really want is to love you and watch you grow. My heart wants to allow me. My insecurities encourage me to dial that password. Even when I don't see nothing wrong. Anxiety says not yet it's coming. My mind replays all of the uncompleted attempts. And yes my feelings have mercy, hope, faith, belief, humbleness, and love. But my pride reminds me of how many times I was considered weak and my trust will forgive but never forget.
©farimarie
F