Waiting on textslike a ticking bomb
was it worth it?
Calling youbecause you couldn’t call
because you were too busy
was it worth it?
Starting every conversation
just to feel a spark,
a flicker of what you never gave
was it worth it?
Lying to people about us,
hiding behind smiles
so they wouldn’t pity me,
so they wouldn’t judge you
was it worth it?
Reaching for you just to feel skin,
just to remind myself
you were real
was it worth it?
Letting go just to pull you back
for a moment of peace
was it worth it?
Forgiving you,
again and again,and again
was it worth it?
Filling in your gaps
with pieces of myself
until I forgotwhat whole felt like
was it worth it?
Staying up late,
waiting on silence that never broke
was it worth it?
Carrying anxiety in my chest,
numbness in my limbs,
because of you
was it worth it?
Begging, in my own quiet way,
just to be seen
was it worth it?
Trying to fix the cracks,
to mend a mirror
you kept shattering
was it worth it?
Trying to get you
to name what we were
while you left it undefined
was any of it worth it?
And maybe
the answer isn’t simple.
©lynnk
L