No one knows exactly when, but when will you be prepared? Today, tomorrow or maybe some other time? Yes, you heard it right, death is not a funny thing to discuss with and a sensitive issue. But when is the right time to talk about it?
To hear that word "Death" is the scariest part for me. Even to see a person whose death is quite difficult for me to manage. Since I was a kid, I don't want to see a person inside a casket for I'll be having a nightmare afterwards.
Even if I tried to avoid it still it keeps on haunting me in my dreams. Different scenarios I witness in my dream from burial to talking with the souls, so theres no way for me to consider as normal. It's really weird and I wish not to sleep anymore,creating those questions I keep on asking why.
You may think that probably lack of prayers?well, If you only knew that as much as possible I will call all the saints, recite all the litanies just to cast away those nightmares. I had those struggles up to now where I had a wish if we can choose what to dream.
Until such time unexpectedly, the one whom I love the most went to that journey. Devastated and burst out of pain. Too much to feel that I become so numb and don't know what exactly or right to feel.
I can't believe that it happens to me and right in front of my eyes, I saw him lying on that wooden box so lifeless. I tried to convince myself that it is just a dream. A nightmare that I keep on having at night, but it's totally no at this time.
So heavy to feel inside that seems no one to understand. He just said to be away for a while to save something for the beginning of our life as one. But when he got home, he was gone forever in my arms.
Too much questions to ask that left my head hanging. I asked Him why and response nothing. No traces as paranormal activity to make me feel hopeful a bit and understand what's happening. Yet no chance, or it could be I'm already naive about the situation.
Years pass by that slowly helped me to understand. Books supported me and the resiliency was activated. It takes some time to handle pain where emotions and mind battling with each other. Yet need to conquer both for I will be the one to suffer.
Being here alive needs to continue what life might awaits me ahead. No matter how heavy it is or dark. Still searching some light along the way and wondering what life it could be after death.
So innocent to ignore death for the hidden reason that we're scared. It could be to late for some to handle pain or it could awaken how strong we might be. So when would be the best time to be prepared to face ours or love ones death? For me is undefined but hope to be prepared earlier, so what about you?
©queenslene
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