Whispers In The Dark
A sharp pain strikes through my chest,
Choices made, I failed the test.
Hate clings tight, I cannot fight,
Relief is brief, swallowed by night.
My state was underground, disgusting,
Every mirror showed me mistrusting.
Every glance at my weight,
Sealed the chains of my cruel fate.
Starving, binging, endless loops,
The cake, the snacks, my body troops.
A fleeting ease, a hollow pride,
But guilt returns like a rising tide.
Pain holds me with a chain I cannot break,
Every thought, every step, every ache.
I gave my all—dieting, fasting, the works,
Nothing changed; I’m trapped in my quirks.
The brief happiness I felt while eating,
Couldn’t match the relief after retreating.
Throat closing, chest aching, pain taking over,
All I could think of was the result, the rollover.
Drained and exhausted, nobody cared,
My heart was heavy, my soul bared.
Hunger whispered, starvation called,
Yet after the first taste, I felt appalled.
The wound was too deep to ever be healed,
The devil’s whispers refused to yield.
“Keep going,” he hissed, “don’t even try,”
And I fought alone, asking why.
Before my 13th birthday, it all began,
Two days of fasting to fit in a plan.
The heart tricked me into a portal so deep,
A place I believed I could never leave.
Then came the cake, snacks,
Ruining the rules I tried to track.
Starvation failed, one week to my day,
Throwing up seemed the only way.
Meal after meal, nothing felt complete,
A drug worse than lust, a bitter-sweet deceit.
Day by day, lying to myself,
Addicted to control, a fragile self.
Chains of me, I cannot flee,
The cycle grips, it won’t let me be.
Pain, relief, hate, disgust collide,
Yet somewhere in me, I still survive.
Starving, binging, guilt waves high,
I chase fleeting relief, I cannot lie.
Every meal, every bite, every taste,
Turns to grief, leaves nothing to embrace.
Whispers in my head, ever sly,
“Keep going, keep hurting, don’t even try.”
I fight, I resist, I give in again,
And the storm rages deep within.
Hollow pride and fleeting peace,
Moments of control that quickly cease.
Pain and hate, my constant friends,
Relief so brief, it never mends.
Chains of me, I cannot see,
How to break free, how to just be.
Yet here I am, breathing through the pain,
Hoping someday the sun will shine again.
M