who will i blame ??
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this were the last words i had from his phone call when i lastly called
i called to tell him how proud i am because he won the scholarship to join the senior school
and do you want to know what was running through my mind when i kept my phone down
you know , probably this bitch had gone to have fun with his friends and lay down some bottles probably
no no this guy i called bitch was busy planing his suicidal path
after so many nights of silence, no acceptance he felt the absence and decided why not end all this tonight
his face indicated sorrow, pain and he hanged himself and banged his all life away
if only i didnt think of how bitchy he can be and ditch my thought then maybe maybe he would be here with sited in the front seat and watch how im flowing with words and tell me how perfect i can be with words
if only i felt the need of him wanting help im sure today he would take me out for a meal and tell me you did it perfect like you know what im saying coz that was he's favourite quote
if only i would have felt how useless, irritated and uncomfortable he was then maybe i would have helped him dig his sorrow out and currently speaking he's body would not be swinging on a casket , six feet down
if only i was not this selfish then we would be thinking of how we can go and have coffee together but he is no more because no one heard his cry only the grave who allowed him inside
should i blame myself for not being a friend and giving him the attention he needed or blame those dudes he opened up to them and told them how worthless the world had seen him and how the world was looking at him with mean eyes and sadly they walked away laughing at him. should i blame myself for not giving him the attention he deserved or blame him for not opening up and telling me how it hurts to feel useless , maybe maybe i would have given a hand of help like he used to do for me .
buskuti the poet
©buskutithe
B