Today I say with certainty, my mind is not at peace.
I'm haunted by the memory of war, of which I can't release.
The faces torment my dreams, both awake or asleep.
Their expressions that set upon their face makes this soldier weep.
Trapped within the confines of what some may call a mind.
I find that endless torture is the only "love" I will find.
And in this deep dark prison, in this place I call my home.
I find I am the inmate and the warden, I've made this hell my own.
Deeper in the compound, trapped souls and spirits I can't set free.
In some kind of sick and twisted way I feel they comfort me.
But I have only brought them suffering, only bestowed upon them pain.
Their dying words still echo deep inside this soldiers brain.
Do you want to know what sickens me, why I'm filled with such regret?
It's not the sound of bombs or bullets no, those things I can forget.
Truth be told it's not their screams that go fumbling through my head.
It's the sight the slain last gave me, the picture of the living dead.
The only thing that comforts me in these cold and lifeless pits.
Is knowing that my children live without tyranny that war often begets.
Knowing that my loved ones can rest their heads with ease.
While their father, brother and their son sits in darkness, weeping on his knees.
Begging for forgiveness for the wicked that I have done.
All so that justice may live, I did what I had to and we won.
It's not just lives of my comrades that leaves my blackened soul in chains.
It also is my enemies, all of those whom which I had slain.
So sleep under that blanket of freedom, the one I wove in sweat.
Place your head upon that pillow of liberty, we the soldiers you forget.
I hope this has enlightened you to the way most of us feel.
Though the war is all but over, it's scarring impact is all too real.
Sweet dreams to all my loved ones and to those who hold them tight.
Don't pity this young soldier who doesn't sleep a wink at night.
And to you my humble readers I leave you with this pathetic plea.
If my words have effected you in anyway, feel free to contact me.
Perhaps your words could save me or atleast bring some meaning to my life.
This soldiers life of sorrow, of guilt, this soldiers walk through strife.
©jarnmarr
J