why place faith in me?

I don't know why..
but I feel I'll be dead soon....
fucked it up at work felt weak, dizzy, tripping over myself 2 days in a row like waves capsising full size vessels. before the monsoon.......
blacking out, heart rate straight pounding it out 99 sitting still, Hell I'm losing it. right? I'm only 42 ...... merry Christmas!!
I feel alone.
it's my own fault. I've always been a asshole. I don't expect anyone to grieve. I should die alone silently yet brutally for ultimately being faithful to a fault,placing faith in me.
©fail33