Today I won't write about you
I won't talk about my feelings for you
Because what I feel doesn't matter
I've learned to crawl and hide in my shell
My shell of thoughts that no once sees
,
I've managed to build my walls high
High enough to protect me from you
You who broke me beyond broken
You who tore my heart apart
And left me for the wolves
The wolves to finally complete what you started
I won't write about love
A love that only grew in me
And never was in you
A love that was only one sided
Which led to plenty of tears
And wasted of years
Let me not say how many nights I wailed
How many times I screamed your name
And begged you to look at me the same
How many times I swore I loved you
And wanted you for my self
I won't talk about how lonely it got
While you slept on the other room
When you'd not even look at me
Or even talk to me
Ooh yes pain, that's the word I was looking for
I was in pain
A pain of not getting what I wanted
A pain of loosing my self loving wrong
A pain of being ignored by that one person
I tried so much to impress
Obsession, I was obsessed with you
Like if I couldn't have you then no one else would
Desperate, I was desperate to have you
I was yearning to be your one and only
If we couldn't happen in this life
Then I was sure we would in the after life
I swore I'd die for you
I'd kill my self if I'd not get you
But why leave you for them?
I'd kill you so that nobody could have you
I'd wipe you off this world then follow behind
Gun loaded
If I couldn't have you
Why would anyone else do?
If you couldn't be mine
Then you wouldn't be anyone elses
So this ain't a story with a happy ending
It's a story ending with me being happy
Tables turn
It ends with me behind bars
Tomorrow is his funeral
Sadly even in death we couldn't be together
Guess what?
I don't regret anything.
I killed the love of my life.
©mara_pain
Life is a series of pain.
©mara_pain
M